If everyone is busy how can we meet friends spontaneously?

As we age, people tend to have more work, have a wife and kids to care of, own more things. Free time becomes scarce and people tend to fill it with commitments.

And as everyone does the same, more commitments, less freedom, more future, less present, it is contagious. You can't just meet, you have to schedule. Everyone is busy.

If you want to see a friend you have to ask him one week in advance and maybe that is even not enough. By the time you meet the friend, you are in a totally different state. Most likely with less appeal for that.

Even if you felt like it in the same way, the event itself has more weight and more expectations because you had to make decisions conditioned with that commitment. I know we're getting into details but isn't the devil in the details?

By always putting the future first, they make the events and the present less meaningful, and as life is a collection of all that, they are making life less meaningful.

So I ponder, why are people putting themselves on this state?

Is not something easy to answer, because it's a part of bigger problem. One of those problems is so popular in Portugal that has a meme.

So the meme goes like this, you ask a friend to go out and do something and he responds:

"Okay, let me ask my wife if I want to go."

If not clear, the meaning behind it is that most men in a relationship lost their individuality. They can't think or do things by themselves anymore. They need approval from their partners for everything.

Hence, scheduling things is usually easier, expectations are easier met that way. I get it, if you know your girlfriend will be away next weekend you can schedule something too. No boredom. Expectations are set.

But what if you get a last minute opportunity to do something cool? How can you tell your girlfriend that her expectation of being with you will not be met. There is always risk on living on the edge. If you want to leverage opportunities you have to be prepared to lose. Most people aren't. It requires courage.

Another problem for this to happen is the smartphone.

And this one might be the more destructive one.

Before the 90s you had to go out and see people to connect with them. Now you scroll your insta feed, send messages, memes, emojis. You can get all the news in the world, see beautiful women, crazy lifestyles, cars, from this blue light screen.

You can get high dopamine hits from those 5 second videos. That's tough competition even for a cigarette.

Back in a day, if you want to connect with someone you had to leave the house first.

Smartphones made it easier than ever to be complacent with the lack of freedom and individuality. When you get all the info, all that dopamine, at the comfort of your home. Why bother?

And it had another role in people's lives. It filled the down time. That time that nothing happens, you get to wait for something, to be alone, you don't have to deal with that anymore. Just take that blue screen out of your pocket and scroll scroll type type. Easy.

By always having something to do, people don't have time to deal with problems. So it becomes a defense mechanism for not having to deal with problems.

So the current state is people are over committed with events, the down time is spent on their phone and there is a lack of freedom and individuality.

You sure can live a life like this, I did it in the past.

Guess what? That lead to a toxic relationship, of being more afraid of change, of losing myself and my spirit. Deep down I've always knew that I was on the wrong path, but change requires dealing with unknown and I was too afraid of that.

But luckily I wasn't completely lost yet, I still had some free time, I still at least had a friend that I could just hang out, and because of that some events happened in my life that made me realise I was lost. I couldn't hide anymore, I had to deal with it. That awareness gave me the courage to change.

Most people already lost their free time and their individuality. Be it for society, family or wife.

At that stage the neighbours become the friends. The main topic of conversations become sports or news.

And life passes by and most people will not be aware what they lost, of how they are limiting their life.

They lost the deep conversations, sometimes provocative, sometimes hard to hear. But necessary for growth. The ones that we need to hear the most but are afraid to. Those conversations, trigger change and help us become better friends, better sons, better husbands, better artists.

We lose the connection we have with other humans. The laughs, the experiences. The sharing and caring. All of that is not substitute of a home, of wife, kids, family. It doesn't have to be one or another, it's a complement that helps life balance.

Some will regret it as they find out that life could be different, more alive. Sometimes too late.

Those inner circles are fundamental for growth. Those circles create better societies, more healthy ones. A lot of mental health problems could be prevented if we keep this inner circles alive as we age. Just sharing a problem with friends makes the problem lighter.

So I'm here trying to bring that awareness as a friend.

I also found out that isolated places seem to have a level of immunity to this stupidity. I think because life is slower, less things to do, less places to go, you end up with the boredom that makes you more aware, more alive.